It’s been a while since I’ve written. A big part of that is not really knowing what to write about.
There was a time where I prided myself in my productivity. My ability to do it all and make it look (fairly) seamless.
What I did was who I was and I was successful. At least in the eyes of those around me.
But then life threw a curveball that made me question everything.
Suddenly who I am was not tied to what I did. The things I was known for – productivity, organization, getting things done – was not important or at times even relevant.
I felt like a fish swimming upstream when people said “Now you can create the life you want.” But how do I know what that looks like?
My identity had always been wrapped tightly in how others saw me. I wanted to make those around me happy, without consideration of what I truly wanted out of life. I remember telling a potential boss in an interview “My job is to make you look good.” I got the job. I did it well. But in the process I lost who I was at my core.
And now there was nothing but blank space. A white page waiting for me to write on it. But I didn’t know what I wanted to write.
So here I am, figuring it all out. This space will probably be a hodge podge of the various parts of my life as I work to figure them out… finances, marriage, health, self-care, work.
It’s a ride for sure. One that I’m excited about. One that I’m scared of. But as Iylana Vanzant told Oprah on a Super Soul Conversations podcast, “There comes a moment in your life when you’re getting ready to step into a new place. In that place you should be so scared that there’s a little pee running down your leg… If you don’t have a little pee running down your leg then you’re not living big enough.”
Here’s to living big and doing it scared.